


Do You Hear What I Hear? (Because Nobody Needs to Hear That, 007)

by soufflegirl91



Series: Anon Prompt Gift Exchange 2019 [2]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: Dench!M lives, M/M, MI6 Cafe Anon Prompt Gift Exchange, being told off by the headteacher, sweary Q, things overheard on the comms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:54:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21793330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soufflegirl91/pseuds/soufflegirl91
Summary: Q and Bond are called into M's office to explain a mission transcript. It goes about as well as expected.
Relationships: James Bond/Q
Series: Anon Prompt Gift Exchange 2019 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1564555
Comments: 21
Kudos: 239
Collections: Mi6 Cafe Prompt Fills





	Do You Hear What I Hear? (Because Nobody Needs to Hear That, 007)

**Author's Note:**

> For the MI6 Cafe Anon Gift Exchange 2019.
> 
> Written for the prompt:  
> Dench!M lives and calls them in to discuss the transcript of a very unprofessional conversation during a mission
> 
> Thanks as always to Christinefromsherwood for being the best, most patient beta in existence and reading this for me even though I only finished it today.

There was a long, drawn-out silence.

Q resisted the urge to clear his throat, just so that there would be  _ some _ noise. 

The problem with soundproofed offices was that there was just… nothing. No passing feet or muffled voices. No doors slamming in the distance.

Nothing. 

Bond, the bastard, didn't look bothered in the slightest. He just sat there, sprawled in his chair, quirking his brow in amusement. 

Q, on the other hand, would fall off his chair if he inched any further forward. He was practically vibrating. 

It was like being called to the headmaster's office. Or it would be, if Q had ever been called to the headmaster's office.

"What the hell is this?" 

M, apparently done with her staring contest with 007, pushed a pile of papers towards the two men sitting opposite her. Q strained forward to see, and his heart sank.

“It appears to be a mission transcript,” Bond replied, casual as you like. If anything, he seemed even more amused than before, “hardly anything special.”

M gave Bond the sort of stink eye that, if it were directed at Q, would have him quaking in his boots. Well, quaking even more than he was already. 

“This is the transcript from your last mission in Buenos Aires, 007.” 

M’s hard gaze didn’t leave Bond’s face. Bond stared innocently back at her.

If it were even remotely a physical possibility, Q thought, his heart would be in his shoes. He resisted the urge to put his head in his hands, but it was a close thing. 

“What do you have to say for yourself?” M asked, still looking at Bond. 

“I stand by everything I said,” Bond smirked in reply.

Oh, god.

Oh,  _ god. _

_ Oh, god! _

This was bad. 

This was so very,  _ very _ bad. 

M turned her head to face Q. Q very professionally  _ did not _ cower. Much. 

“Quartermaster? Is there anything you’d like to explain?”

“Well, I, uh- Bond- We- That is, uh-” Q spluttered. His brain did a commendable impression of the blue screen of death.

M sighed, and pulled the transcript back towards herself. And,  _ shit _ , now Q could see she had some sections  _ highlighted. _

Fuck. 

"Let me refresh your memory. Bond, you contacted the Quartermaster for extraction assistance. While Q branch was working to get you out of a firefight in a burning building, you saw fit to keep up a litany of frankly distracting comments directed at the Quartermaster until you boarded the plane home and, fortunately for all of us, disconnected your earpiece."

Bond smirked.

Q slumped back in his chair. The effort of remaining at attention was too much for  _ this _ conversation.

Q had told Bond that the comms were recorded. He had  _ told _ him! 

Bond had taken that as a challenge. 

Because  _ of course _ he had. 

The bastard was lucky Q loved him, or he would soon be finding himself on a mission to the US bible belt, with only a water pistol and some paper clips for company. 

See how he took  _ that _ challenge! 

“Now, I have been willing to turn a blind eye to the blatant fraternisation going on between the two of you. Contrary to what you seem to think, the pair of you are  _ not _ subtle.” 

Shit.

Q had tried, he really had! But James Bond didn’t _do_ subtle. The man oozed sexual innuendo wherever he went, and when he was _actually_ _sleeping with_ the object of that innuendo, it just got worse. 

Like now, for instance.

“As it has not negatively impacted your work thus far, I have seen no reason to bring it up.”

Q was going to kill Bond, just as soon as M released them from this hell on Earth. 

“But these mission transcripts are  _ not _ a private line between the two of you. Transcripts can be requested by Select Committee or by the PM if a mission hits the headlines and I  _ will not _ explain the two of you  _ flirting _ .”

Q was going to kill Bond  _ slowly _ , with… with… a rusty spoon, or something!

“Quartermaster,” Q jumped to attention, “I would expect nothing less from Bond, but I am disappointed that you allowed this behaviour.” 

Q turned his fiercest glare on Bond, who smiled back at him beatifically. 

“Well, ma’am, I did warn him. Bond took it as a challenge. I’m sure he will  _ learn from his mistakes, _ ” Q finished meaningfully. 

Bond raised an eyebrow.

A rusty spoon and… and… no sex for a month!

“See that he does.” M did not look convinced. “If I have to pull you two in here again, you will be the ones explaining how ‘pull out early so you don’t leave a mess’ is technical jargon.”

Q really, really wished the floor would open up and swallow him whole.

The worst part of the whole meeting?

That quote hadn’t come from Bond. 


End file.
